Get Me Off This Damn Rollercoaster

Was looking at my WordPress blog statistics today. Someone was very busy reading my posts about a multitude of gym efforts over the years, and my health issues. Which is what brought me to this idea of my health rollercoaster. It’s a metaphor that’s been mined too many times before—though not by me.

It seemed kind of odd someone was reading these posts; though it could have been more than one person—I guess. But as I clicked through some of these older posts I started realizing that much of what I’ve been going through this past two to three years is not much different than what I’d gone through in the past: lethargy, weight gain, inactivity, depression, loneliness, an unquantifiable length of good health which leads to a length of time where I thrive in the gym.

Though, unlike a rollercoaster, my health ups and downs can’t be foreseen and prepared for. One of the conclusions I’ve recently come to: these climbs, peaks and plunges are more than likely Sarcoid related. It really keeps looping back to: “the disease that keeps on giving”—Sarcoidosis.

My ill health has so controlled my life for so long, feeling like shit seems to be my new normal. It’s my healthy times that seem to be so short. I think I may need to go to my very first post and try to chart my ups and downs on this rollercoaster. It’s not like there is a patern. The times of good health and feeling good—mentally, physically, and spiritually—are nowhere near being consistent. The lengths of time are as arbitrary as the lengths of feeling shitty. No rhyme, reason or measurable patern. Like life—random and arbitrary.

I’m not here to bitch and moan. But it is quite disheartening to have my health influence so much of my life and my personal connections and activity—or lack thereof. It’s not like I can do anything to “overcome” the lethargy, the random symptoms this time around: headaches lasting for days or weeks, constant nausea, fuzzy brain, depression, slow metabolism and weight gain, et. al. It’s happened before. I just have to wait until the Universe sees fit to grant me reprieve, to push me to the top of the next climb, and hope the next plunge is much farther off in the distant future than right around the bend.

As before, all I can do is monitor my health, have the doctors treat the symptoms when possible, and bide my time. What else is there? I look forward to the time when I can get off this damn rollercoaster and lead as normal and healthy a life as possible.

Oh … and Universe … a kind, loving, supportive, significant other would be nice too! One who can withstand the ride!

That is all …